Often, people struggle with feelings of guilt or shame after a divorce. There are several commonly believed myths that may make you feel as though you’re not worthy of asking for and seeking the life you want. Here are a few tips to help you bust through some common myths.
Myth #1: Asking for What You Want is Selfish
Many of us are taught from an early age that wanting something for ourselves equates to selfishness. This “emotional conditioning” can present in adulthood as well, especially if you are going through or have recently been through a divorce. This feeling is especially common among women who have gone because they are raised to believe that being a wife and/or a mother requires complete selflessness. But it is not selfish to ask for what you want. Believe it or not, it is healthy and critical to your post-divorce recovery to take care of yourself first! Focus on activities that bring you joy, and intentionally set some time each week to commit to them, such as quality time with friends, your kids, or engaging in a new hobby.
Myth #2: It’s Too Hard to Move Forward
To the contrary, the world is yours for the taking after divorce. Your actions will help shape what your life looks like, in the present and in the future. Reflect on those times when you may have been scared or anxious. Perhaps you took more classes in college than you initially believed yourself capable, or perhaps juggling the ever-present “work-life” balance left you feeling like you were not enough? Then, shift your focus to all the times you triumphed, as well as all the times you seemingly failed & what you learned from those experiences. Consider writing down these life events or moments in a journal and be truthful with yourself about the feelings you were experiencing in those moments. Recalling life’s triumphs and failures will help you reconnect with the confidence that is within you! Remember that you have prevailed in the past and you can do so again. This exercise takes work, practice, and consistency, but it is worth doing for YOU so that you can embrace and envision the life you truly want.
Myth #3: You Do Not Deserve a New Life
People are constantly bombarded with ideas that they should be grateful for what they have without aspiring for more. This message can be damaging to your self-esteem during and after a divorce as you navigate many negative emotions. You should never feel bad for asking for more in your life and it is okay to invest in yourself, treat yourself, and take care of yourself. Do not neglect your desires or mental health as you begin your new life. Taking time for yourself now is going to help you in the future, as well as those who are closest to and care for you.
If you are struggling to reclaim joy in life, please consider seeking professional mental health interventions. Take the time you need to grieve the end of your marriage but remember that the “myths of divorce” you have been told do not have to rule your life as you get to know yourself again.
Rob McAngus, Partner with Verner Brumley Parker, P.C., is Board Certified in family Law and his practice is devoted primarily to family law, including high conflict divorce, custody cases, and complex property issues. In addition to being selected on the Board of Directors for the Family Law Section of the Dallas Bar Association; he values your priorities as a parent and works with you to achieve the goals that will help transition your family to a new normal. As both an adopted child and a member of a blended family, Rob can provide a unique perspective in the practice of family law.
Rob has been recognized in Super Lawyers as a Rising Star in 2016 through 2021, and recently The National Advocates recognized Rob as one of the Top 40 Under 40. He can be reached by calling 214.526.5234 or email at rmcangus@vernerbrumley.com. Mr. McAngus received his bachelor’s degree cum laude and master’s degree from Baylor University and graduated cum laude from the Dedman School of Law at Southern Methodist University.
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