Healing Advice After a Divorce

We are only a couple of months into a new year, there once again is renewed hope that we are finally ready to heal our collective wounds from this pandemic that has overstayed its time with us. For those who are recently separated or divorced, those newly empty seats seen around the table at the holidays resonated, making this time of year especially difficult. Like any other stressful experience, many have “white-knuckled” their way through a divorce and have not been able to process their feelings of anger, sadness, frustration, and angst healthily.

The holidays can be an incredibly emotional time for the recently separated or divorced who have children. We had grown accustomed to full family gatherings. Now, the children may have shuttled between two gatherings on the same night or perhaps split Christmas Eve/Day or the days of Channukah. As parents, we have our own emotions to contend with and need to be attuned to our children who may be sad and act out because of a separation or divorce.

 

For those particularly impacted by psychological battles with their ex-spouse, there are a few tips that can help minimize the residue from divorce and allow you to begin the healing process.

 

It is important to ignore the bait of the other spouse. When an ex or other toxic person is trying to nudge you into taking part in an unhealthy back-and-forth, turn your attention elsewhere and give yourself a “So, whatever” attitude. It will not take too long before you can recognize an incoming psychological attack before it does any damage, and you will be able to step aside. Do not forget that it takes two to tango, so it is hard to have a fight when one side refuses to engage. This takes some practice, but once you are successful, you will build on that success as part of your healing process.

 

Be sure to do something gratifying for yourself. The New Year is the perfect time to press the “reset” button and make time for a new interest. Perhaps enroll in a “Masterclass” or “One Day University Class” and delve into topics that have long intrigued you. Whether it be courses or a new sport, keep busy rather than devising ways to counterattack your ex-spouse, and you will have something substantial to show for it avoiding the temptation joining the toxic behavior.

 

It is always important to heal the soul. Head for your special spiritual retreats like church, your synagogue, that self-help class, a yoga getaway, or the sacred rock you sit on overlooking the ocean. Some of these may still be by Zoom, but it is something! Read some inspiring affirmations. Talk to your minister, priest, or rabbi about your spiritual needs. That is why they are there! Even though we are still feeling the effects of COVID, there are so many ways to heal and put your powerful mind to good use. In 2022, I encourage you to make a personal list of things you can do to stimulate your mental muscles with positives, all of which are geared to eliminate or at least reduce the negatives. Now is always the best time to take control and begin to heal.

Having an attorney with the resources and knowledge to give you the best representation is vital to your interest and the interest of your family.  You also want to make sure they will exhaust all avenues and be willing to research, pursue and implement strategies to provide the best possible outcome.

Rob McAngus, Partner with Verner Brumley Parker, P.C., is Board Certified in family Law and his practice is devoted primarily to family law, including high conflict divorce, custody cases, and complex property issues. In addition to being selected on the Board of Directors for the Family Law Section of the Dallas Bar Association; he values your priorities as a parent and works with you to achieve the goals that will help transition your family to a new normal.  As both an adopted child and a member of a blended family, Rob can provide a unique perspective in the practice of family law.

Rob has been recognized in Super Lawyers as a Rising Star in 2016 through 2021, and recently The National Advocates recognized Rob as one of the Top 40 Under 40.  He can be reached by calling 214.526.5234 or email at rmcangus@vernerbrumley.com.  Mr. McAngus received his bachelor’s degree cum laude and master’s degree from Baylor University and graduated cum laude from the Dedman School of Law at Southern Methodist University.