For many households, the current pandemic has caused a lot
of stress, financial losses and even health concerns. Children who are being Co-Parented will
experience the angst of both households.
It is important to remember this when it comes to providing a healthy
environment when it comes to Co-Parenting, especially during a pandemic. In addition to these new normalcies, divorce
parents have to have a plan on how they will be able to share custody and
adhere to congenial exchanges between residences.
1.
2.
Shared
Priorities- Remember that you and your co-parent have a priority in common:
your children. When making decisions for the children try and find commonality
in goals—for example completing schoolwork, allowing safe socialization—and
bring decision making back to that goal. Try and avoid unnecessary drama and be
flexible. For example, if a child has an iPad he uses at Mom’s house, but he
also needs it at Dad’s house so he can complete schoolwork, allow the iPad to
travel back and forth and come up with rules for the transport.
3.
Respect
the other parent’s priorities- If a parent is high risk or practicing
strict social distancing, respect that parent’s decision and honor some of
their guidelines. Showing respect for the other parent’s rules and guidelines teaches
a child more than you will ever realize.
Thoughts will vary from what if one child is sick and the other
isn’t. Is your ex properly sanitizing
their house or following the medical community’s guidelines. Parents care about the health of their children. However, healthy to one parent may be
different than healthy to another. One
parent might think eating all of the vegetables is important while the other
says meals should not be a battle.
Another disagreement can come on sunny days where one parent slathers
the kids in sunscreen while the other wants them to soak in the rays and get
enough vitamin D.
4.
Don’t put
the kids in the middle- Don’t ask your child to be a message courier, watch
dog or tattle tale. Children are adjusting to the change in their normal
routine. Asking them to report back on what the other parent is doing or
whether they are following the rules at Dad’s house or asking them to keep
secrets adds another layer of stress, which can be avoided.
5.
Be a good
human- Show grace in unusual circumstances. Everyone is adjusting to a new
set of norms and dealing with the stress of our current situation.
Intentionally offering kindness and greater understanding in unusual
circumstances is certainly the example we all hope to set for our children. For
instance, if a party is social distancing/self-quarantining due to exposure,
their current job, or a similar reason and can’t exercise their scheduled
possession, be flexible and let that parent FaceTime or agree to exchange
weekends. Almost all Texas possession orders start with a sentence that says
“Unless greed otherwise” to allow parents flexibility.
The key to success, as is often in just about every
situation imaginable, is proper communication.
Share your fears with your spouse.
Put the children’s health first and agree to talk about the “what ifs”
that might happen and how you both would handle it. Basically, get on the same page. Try to get both households on the same
schedule and make sure everyone feels they have had adequate input.
Under normal circumstances, divorce and co-parenting can be
a struggle. However, during times of
crisis parents will be defined by how they react during these crisis and the
children will certainly see your actions.
While the courts are “closed” in the traditional sense, you
are not without options if your former spouse or former partner is being
unreasonable. Standing Orders have been
entered for handling litigation needs, if they amount to an emergency that
warrants a telephonic hearing. While the courts have raised the threshold for
what constitutes an emergency matter, it can still be done. Your attorney can
get your case into court by using different strategies for filing and
presenting emergency motions during this time period. Alternatively, now may be
the time to consider mediation and private adjudication to resolve differences
without going to court.
If the Court does not think your issue amounts to an
emergency that is not a reason to forgo or delay filing a motion with the
court. While only emergencies matters
are being heard, any new actions or motions filed will be processed due course.
There is sure to be a back log when the courts re-open their doors, so do not
wait. File now. Attorneys recognize that some former spouses and former partners
are not reasonable, and you may need help or are not prepared to take this on
alone. Partner with an attorney who will have your best interest in mind and
handle these procedures on your behalf.
Rob McAngus,
Partner with Verner Brumley Parker, P.C., is Board Certified in family Law and
his practice is devoted primarily to family law, including high conflict
divorce, custody cases, and complex property issues. In addition to being
selected on the Board of Directors for the Family Law Section of the Dallas Bar
Association; he values your priorities as a parent and works with you to
achieve the goals that will help transition your family to a new normal. As both an adopted child and a member of a
blended family, Rob can provide a unique perspective in the practice of family
law.
Rob has been recognized in Super Lawyers as a Rising Star in
2016 through 2020, and recently The National Advocates recognized Rob as one of
the Top 40 Under 40. He can be reached
by calling 214.526.5234 or email at rmcangus@vernerbrumley.com. Mr. McAngus received his bachelor’s degree
cum laude and master’s degree from Baylor University and graduated cum laude
from the Dedman School of Law at Southern Methodist University.
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