Preparing for Summer

 Summer is almost upon us.  Soon we will smell the fresh-cut grass and sunscreen.  Cracks of a baseball against the bat or maybe even a window or two will be heard.  Kids running and playing in the pool, and the remanence of a chalk drawing on a sidewalk will fill the days.  With summer right around the corner that childhood, summer freedom comes, for parents, stress. Often, parents must balance work, childcare, camps, and vacations during the summer. Now, factor in the added stress of two household parenting, and there is a recipe for a complicated summer. Although every family situation is unique, there are steps parents can take to aid in a conflict-free summer with their exes.

Read your decree order. The decree or order is the playbook for two household parents. There is often valuable information on custody, possession, child support, and other child-related issues.  Some parties switch up the timeshare arrangements with the children during the summer. Some children may spend more time with the “non-primary” parent during the summer. So, check if your possession schedule changes or remains the same.

Almost all possession schedules contain summer possession provisions. In those sections, look carefully for notice requirements. Many orders require a parent to tell the other parent in advance of any vacation plans. Add those notice requirements to your calendar, so you do not forget to inform the other party of upcoming vacations, eliminating scheduling conflicts. Pay attention to the language regarding Father’s Day weekend because that is almost always awarded to the dad without having to designate that weekend. Also, while it is not standard, some possession schedules have the parties alternating the Fourth of July, as these days may be rotated with a different parent each year, or the day may be split between households. If you planned a vacation over such a holiday, make sure that it is your year to celebrate it with the children.

Likewise, check on any additional financial obligations you may have for your child during the summer. Camps and childcare can be expensive. Look to see what your order says regarding the payment of those expenses.

As the parent, rule number one is always to look out for your child’s best interest. That does not change because you are living in separate households. Remember, your children still love and care for their other parent no matter what you say about them. So, do not disparage your ex in front of the kids, and do not try, deliberately, to limit the time your kids spend with the other parent. Children have memories just like adults; do not let that kind of behavior be their memory of you.

When it comes to scheduling, focus on the needs of your child. Often, summer is when kids want to see their friends and extended family members. If this is true for your family, try incorporating that into your summer parenting plan. Try not to overwhelm your children with camps and other activities. Allow for some downtime when available. Give them time to recharge. After all, it is their summer vacation, too.

Almost every family reorganization brings changes that ultimately affect the parenting schedule. And when those changes inevitably happen, be flexible.  Summer is a time when weddings, parties, graduations, reunions, and other celebrations occur. Those dates may not conform to the schedule. Employment may change, for the parents or the children. As the expression goes, “life happens.” You need to remain flexible because there will be a time when you need grace from your ex, and having some goodwill in your corner is never a bad thing. Children grow, and their interests change. When this happens, document the changes in writing and attempt to work out a new schedule for your children’s best interest to avoid future conflicts, and expensive court fights.

All successful co-parenting couples will tell you that communication is vital. Children are not meant to be a parent’s messenger. At the end of the day, you are the adult. Communicate with one another for their benefit.  There are many ways to make this happen, even if talking to your ex sounds like the end of the world. E-mail, text messaging, online calendars, and even phone apps, allow parents to communicate and minimize contact efficiently. By utilizing these tools, you can limit misunderstandings and scheduling conflicts. Parents need to communicate about summer plans sooner rather than later. Once a plan is developed, create a written calendar in both households so parents, and the children, know what to expect.

If you stay positive about the situation, your child will be positive. Remember always to be respectful to the other parent. If your child misses the other parent, do not take it personally. Instead, encourage and foster a positive relationship with the other parent. Even though they are no longer your partner, they are, after all, still your child’s parent.

Summer is a short-time period. It comes and goes too quickly. That being said, think ahead. Start looking now at the upcoming school calendar. Communicate with your ex regarding who is responsible for school enrollment, medical visits, vaccines, school schedules, and school expenses. If you have a joint custody arrangement, remember to include your ex on all paperwork.

By following these simple rules, you can say hello to summer, goodbye to conflict, and have a magical twelve weeks!

Having an attorney with the resources and knowledge to give you the best representation is vital to your interest and the interest of your family.  You also want to make sure they will exhaust all avenues and be willing to research, pursue and implement strategies to provide the best possible outcome.

Rob McAngus, Partner with Verner Brumley Parker, P.C., is Board Certified in family Law and his practice is devoted primarily to family law, including high conflict divorce, custody cases, and complex property issues. In addition to being selected on the Board of Directors for the Family Law Section of the Dallas Bar Association; he values your priorities as a parent and works with you to achieve the goals that will help transition your family to a new normal.  As both an adopted child and a member of a blended family, Rob can provide a unique perspective in the practice of family law.

Rob has been recognized in Super Lawyers as a Rising Star in 2016 through 2021, and recently The National Advocates recognized Rob as one of the Top 40 Under 40.  He can be reached by calling 214.526.5234 or email at rmcangus@vernerbrumley.com.  Mr. McAngus received his bachelor’s degree cum laude and master’s degree from Baylor University and graduated cum laude from the Dedman School of Law at Southern Methodist University.