Keeping your Sanity during the Holiday Season for Separated or Divorced Parents

Jingle Bells is playing on the radio, and that can only mean the holidays are here. Of course with the season, a certain amount of family stress is expected. However, if you have a child and are recently separated or divorced from your child’s other parent, understanding and helping the stress your child will undoubtedly feel during this time is important.

While for you, it may be a sense of relief to not be sharing the holiday with your former spouse and their family. However, if you are the child, the holidays can bring confusion and a sense of sadness and angst in not sharing the day with both parents. Just like Santa’s list, you can remember some of the following tips to help reduce some of the anxiety, questions, and hurt that your child may be feeling.

Avoid trying to duplicate holiday meals and activities to outshine the other parent. While it is nice for a child to be able to spend the morning of the holiday with one parent and the afternoon or evening with the other parent, depending on the age of the child, it can also be exhausting. Imagine having a big holiday meal in the morning, only to have an equally big meal later in the afternoon. If you share parenting time for the day with your former partner, consider establishing who will do the main holiday meal and then agree to alternate it each year.

This can be a time for new beginnings and traditions.  Make a holiday dish together that the child can bring to the other parent’s house. Assuming that you and your former partner can communicate about issues involving the child, if you are not spending time with the child for the holiday or the major meal of the day, request that you be permitted to help the child make a food item to send with them to the other house. For example, if you have the child in the morning, or the day before Christmas, perhaps make a pie with the child that the child can then bring to their other home. Showing that the parents can do things with the child that may be beneficial to the other parent helps reduce the stress and anxiety that children sometimes feel about leaving one parent behind on a holiday.  You do not have to have a meal together to let you your child know you are thinking about them while they are eating at the other home.

Emotions during the Holidays are already heightened.  Be careful to make sure your own emotions are in check. Nothing is worse for a child when they believe that the other parent will be left alone on a holiday. Even if you have no place to go, assure the child that you are going to be fine, that you want them to have a good time, and know that they will.

Remember, holidays are only a date on the calendar. While it is natural to want to spend every holiday with your child, be careful not to put too much emphasis on one day. Be flexible where you can be for the sake of your child. Your child loves both parents, and developing a healthy relationship with both parents is important. Thanksgiving does not have to be celebrated on the fourth Thursday in November. Turkey is available in July as well. Consider making the holiday your own special day when it is not your parenting time for a specific holiday.

Finally, consider starting new traditions. This is a new start for both you and your child. Now is the perfect time to start a new tradition that becomes your special holiday time with your child. Following these simple guidelines can make the holiday less stressful for your child and you.  Keeping some of these things in mind, will help you and your child enjoy the Holiday Season.

Having an attorney with the resources and knowledge to give you the best representation is vital to your interest and the interest of your family.  You also want to make sure they will exhaust all avenues and be willing to research, pursue and implement strategies to provide the best possible outcome.

Rob McAngus, Partner with Verner Brumley Parker, P.C., is Board Certified in family Law and his practice is devoted primarily to family law, including high conflict divorce, custody cases, and complex property issues. In addition to being selected on the Board of Directors for the Family Law Section of the Dallas Bar Association; he values your priorities as a parent and works with you to achieve the goals that will help transition your family to a new normal.  As both an adopted child and a member of a blended family, Rob can provide a unique perspective in the practice of family law.

Rob has been recognized in Super Lawyers as a Rising Star in 2016 through 2021, and recently The National Advocates recognized Rob as one of the Top 40 Under 40.  He can be reached by calling 214.526.5234 or email at rmcangus@vernerbrumley.com.  Mr. McAngus received his bachelor’s degree cum laude and master’s degree from Baylor University and graduated cum laude from the Dedman School of Law at Southern Methodist University.