A Web of Lies can destroy a Marriage

One of the most important lessons we learn when we were in grade school is that our “lies” usually catch up with us.  If you start with a lie, and then won't admit it, you are forced to continue lying. ... In the end you create a web of lies, each dependent on the other. It's like juggling a whole lot of balls.

Small fibs are often seen as a harmless or even necessary part of life especially when it comes to trying to avoid arguments or even hurting a spouses feelings.  However, new research shows that even seemingly inconsequential lies carry a cost.  In fact, they erode the teller’s ability to read other people which can heighten misunderstandings and weaken the marriage relationship.

Those who behave dishonestly were less likely to define themselves in terms of their relationships with others and were more likely to dehumanize people around them, and this distancing made them less accurate in judging emotions.  The behavior will snowball.  The link between dishonest behavior and empathic accuracy may create a vicious cycle in which an individual who engages in dishonest acts becomes increasingly more socially isolated and unsupported, thus making it easier to rationalize future dehumanization and dishonest behavior.

Therefore what might start out as simple untruths such as the cost of a purse or even being honest about a spouses behavior at a dinner party can compound into seeking comfort in the arms of another.  As these small lies grow, it may lead into serious consequences when it comes to the unity of a marriage and might lead to an ultimate dissolution.

Lying always has a purpose, and is often resulting from a need to protect something.  What is crucial to consider is the motivation behind the lie, and what in fact the individual is trying to protect. Is it their ego? Their sense of security? Fear of shame? In some cases, as often happens in the beginning of a relationship, lies may be told in order to HELP solidify the bond and create closeness.

We urge parties to seek out counseling to build back the trust, but if the web of lies have strangled your relationship to the point of no return, it will be important to seek help to untangle the chaos you and your partner is living in.

Having an attorney with the resources and knowledge to give you the best representation is vital to your interest and the interest of your family.  You also want to make sure they will exhaust all avenues and be willing to research, pursue and implement strategies to provide the best possible outcome.

 

Rob McAngus, Partner with Verner Brumley Parker, P.C., is Board Certified in family Law and his practice is devoted primarily to family law, including high conflict divorce, custody cases, and complex property issues. In addition to being selected on the Board of Directors for the Family Law Section of the Dallas Bar Association; he values your priorities as a parent and works with you to achieve the goals that will help transition your family to a new normal.  As both an adopted child and a member of a blended family, Rob can provide a unique perspective in the practice of family law.

 

Rob has been recognized in Super Lawyers as a Rising Star in 2016 through 2020, Best Lawyers, and recently The National Advocates recognized Rob as one of the Top 40 Under 40.  He can be reached by calling 214.526.5234 or email at rmcangus@vernerbrumley.com.  Mr. McAngus received his bachelor’s degree cum laude and master’s degree from Baylor University and graduated cum laude from the Dedman School of Law at Southern Methodist University.