Reducing Stress to Keep your Family Happy

Turn on the news and you might think the world is coming to an end!  Whether it is a virus, people not getting along or even the summer heat; families might not want to leave the house.

It’s no secret that working parents face enormous pressures, especially during the current environment of COVID, racial tensions and economic woes.  Many families around the world are confined to home, climbing the walls and are searching desperately for fresh techniques for managing their household chaos.  However, one proven solution that many happy families use comes from agile development.

Children’s number one wish is that their parents were less tired and less stressed when they are at home.  For many marriages, this can lead to divorce which can bring a plethora of other complications.

If you are having issues try to implement some of these recommendations before you reach the point of no return:

Empower the children. Our instinct as parents is to issue orders to our children. We think we know best; it’s easier; who has time to argue? And besides, we’re usually right!  There’s a reason few systems have been more “waterfall” than the family. But as all parents quickly discover, telling your kids the same thing over and over is not necessarily the best tactic. The single biggest lesson we learned from our experience with agile practices is to reverse the waterfall as often as possible. Enlist the children whenever possible in their own upbringing.

Brain research backs up this conclusion. Scientists at the University of California and elsewhere found kids who plan their own time, set weekly goals, and evaluate their own work build up their prefrontal cortex and other parts of the brain that help them exert greater cognitive control over their lives. These so-called “executive skills” aid children with self-discipline, avoiding distraction, and weighing the pros and cons of their choices.  By participating in their own rewards and punishment, children become more intrinsically motivated.

Parents are not infallible.  Another instinct we have as parents is to build ourselves up to be Mr. or Ms. Fix-it. But abundant evidence suggests type of leadership is no longer the best model. Researchers have found that the most effective business teams are not dominated by a charismatic leader. Rather, members of particularly effective teams spend as much time talking to one another as to the leader, meet face to face regularly, and everyone speaks in equal measure.

Build in flexibility.  Another assumption parents often make is that we have to create a few overarching rules and stick to them indefinitely.  This philosophy presumes we can anticipate every problem that will arise over many years.  We can’t.  A central tenet of the tech sector is if you are doing the same thing today you were doing six months ago, you are doing something wrong.  Parents can learn a lot from that idea.

The agile family philosophy accepts and embraces the ever-changing nature of family life.  It requires public accountability and it anticipates that even the best designed system will need to be re-engineered midstream.

Hopefully these tips will help you and your family have a happier home.

Rob McAngus, Partner with Verner Brumley Parker, P.C., is Board Certified in family Law and his practice is devoted primarily to family law, including high conflict divorce, custody cases, and complex property issues. In addition to being selected on the Board of Directors for the Family Law Section of the Dallas Bar Association; he values your priorities as a parent and works with you to achieve the goals that will help transition your family to a new normal.  As both an adopted child and a member of a blended family, Rob can provide a unique perspective in the practice of family law.

Rob has been recognized in Super Lawyers as a Rising Star in 2016 through 2020, and recently The National Advocates recognized Rob as one of the Top 40 Under 40.  He can be reached by calling 214.526.5234 or email at rmcangus@vernerbrumley.com.  Mr. McAngus received his bachelor’s degree cum laude and master’s degree from Baylor University and graduated cum laude from the Dedman School of Law at Southern Methodist University.