How to Address Co-Parenting Challenges in Today’s “New Normal”

With the stress and potential risks arising from the spread of COVID-19 compounded by co-parenting children in divorced households which presents difficulties in the best of circumstances; you have a perfect recipe for additional relationship tension and discord.  There is no question, with all of the information, misinformation and lack of information, we are in unprecedented times.  It is imperative that divorced parents do everything in their power to create an environment conducive to healthy, effective communication that serves their children’s best interests and paves the way for fair and productive co-parenting decision-making.

However, going to court is not always the best solution, especially under the current circumstances with courts operating with limited abilities. Parents should seek to avoid arguments and work to develop methods of communication that will facilitate their ability to jointly address and resolve whatever disagreements may arise.  The following recommendations might provide some peace during this time of uncertainty.

First, create an atmosphere for effective communication.  The most important step to take, especially during in these trying times, is to establish a mode of communication that will facilitate partnership and conflict resolution. If verbal communication works best, for example, create a procedure for discussing child-related issues, such as establishing a set time/day for all communications, a mutual exchange of issues to be discussed, and a system for memorializing what was discussed and agreed upon. If texting or emails work best, develop protocols for addressing/responding to issues that avoid personal attacks or accusations, but instead focus on the issues and their responses. Creating a safe environment for the exchange of thoughts will open the door to conflict resolution.

Next, seek common practices based on agreed upon information.  With travel restrictions and other precautions still advisable, co-parenting in two separate homes requires a commonality of practice and concept. Consistency in rules and practices regarding social distancing, travel outside of the home, and acceptable activities will foster comfort and ease for the children. When differences of opinion arise, relying on governmental guidance is often helpful. If disagreements arise as to what is safe or practical, establish common sources for seeking out information to establish an independent basis for conflict resolution. There is a plethora of both government and private resources addressing COVID-19 information and guidelines.

It is also important to keep each other informed.  When the familiar norms of behavior have been altered. Our children’s usual activities have been curtailed, their educational experiences have been altered, and their daily routines have been disrupted. It is important to keep each other apprised of the children’s new norms, providing the other parent with details regarding their emotional wellbeing, activities, and day-to-day routines. This open communication will allow for an easier transition between the two households, thereby creating a more secure environment for the children.

Finally, be sure to focus on the needs of the children.  The disruptions to our children’s lives have presented challenges and obstacles that are unique to every child. With school closures, parents working from home, limited social contact with family and friends, and other changes in our behaviors, parenting time schedules may be affected, requiring a modification of a parenting schedule. Work together to formulate a schedule that serves the children’s best interests. If parenting time must be curtailed, seek alternative ways to allow the children to spend time with both parents. With social media, teleconferencing, and other forms of electronic communication, parents can maintain their interactions with children when face-to-face contact is not viable.

While the courts are “closed” in the traditional sense, you are not without options if your former spouse or former partner is being unreasonable.  Standing Orders have been entered for handling litigation needs, if they amount to an emergency that warrants a telephonic hearing. While the courts have raised the threshold for what constitutes an emergency matter, it can still be done. Your attorney can get your case into court by using different strategies for filing and presenting emergency motions during this time period. Alternatively, now may be the time to consider mediation and private adjudication to resolve differences without going to court.

Attorneys recognize that some former spouses and former partners are not reasonable, and you may need help or are not prepared to take this on alone. Partner with an attorney who will have your best interest in mind and handle these procedures on your behalf.  Having an attorney with the resources and knowledge to give you the best representation is vital to your interest and the interest of your family.  You also want to make sure they will exhaust all avenues and be willing to research, pursue and implement strategies to provide the best possible outcome.

Rob McAngus, Partner with Verner Brumley Parker, P.C., is Board Certified in family Law and his practice is devoted primarily to family law, including high conflict divorce, custody cases, and complex property issues. In addition to being selected on the Board of Directors for the Family Law Section of the Dallas Bar Association; he values your priorities as a parent and works with you to achieve the goals that will help transition your family to a new normal.  As both an adopted child and a member of a blended family, Rob can provide a unique perspective in the practice of family law.

Rob has been recognized in Super Lawyers as a Rising Star in 2016 through 2020, and recently The National Advocates recognized Rob as one of the Top 40 Under 40.  He can be reached by calling 214.526.5234 or email at rmcangus@vernerbrumley.com.  Mr. McAngus received his bachelor’s degree cum laude and master’s degree from Baylor University and graduated cum laude from the Dedman School of Law at Southern Methodist University.